I opened the bedroom door as quietly as l could trying my best not to wake Jennifer. As it opened l peeped in to check she was still asleep "poor kid" l thought, "all she's been through in her young life"
.
I slowly reached over for her coat and shoes desperatley trying to be quiet. I wanted to clean her shoes and brush up her jacket for tomorrow's interview at Rock Ferry High school.
I managed to grab both items and closed the door silently.
As I made my way down stairs her jacket slipped from my grasp and tumbled down the stairs step after step it fell until it landed in a pile near the bottom. I raced after it and picked it up. As l did a note fell from the pocket and when it landed I recognised the note as a prescription. I immediatley thought that Jennifer was on medication and as a chemist i thought it best to check and make sure so she had enough of whatever she needed.
But this prescription was months old and never been cashed.
It was for very strong antibiotics the likes of which are used for people with pneumoina.
Did'nt my sister die of pneumonia!
This prescription was made out in her name. Why was it never cashed?
Just logged in to update the www.elainejenn.wordpress.com blog and saw you'd updated.
ReplyDeleteI think it works much, much better told from the man's point of view, as we suggested during the last workshop. And I also really like you leaving it on a cliff hanger.
Well done!!
I wonder how many alternative endings you could come up with?
I really like the sinister ending of this, but then again everything sinister intrigues me.
ReplyDeleteI got a little confused as to who was responsible for not cashing the prescription or whether the kid had just hid it so it couldn't be cashed out of some malice. Perhaps if you had the man thinking out the dialogue of the possibilities of what could have happened in his head? --- it would be certainly clearer for us thicko's. ;-)
I love this story though. It's my personal favourite.
I think your`Ending no2` is very effective.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, I don`t really see it as a TRUE ending. It`s very effective because there are still unanswered questions and leaves the reader hanging.Although it stands really well as it is, some of those questions could be answered.
Including your Ending2 as part of your story and then inviting the reader to write a CONTINUATION, rather than an alternative ending gives you a lot more scope as to what direction the story takes. It could go anywhere!
I agree with Keith-I want there to be something sinister and I want to know what it is!
Doreen
ReplyDeletewhy don't you write an extra ending for Barbara's story?
I think it's a brilliant idea.
Some readers prefer open endings, others like 'true' endings, like you say, when you know exactly what has happened and why.
I think the brilliant thing about the form Barbara's story is taking is that is it going to give readers the choice, and, like you say, get other people involved in writing 'continuations'
At the beginning of the story when she is at the pier head with her grandmother.. the grandmother slips the prescription in to her pocket. This could be to pass the blame on to her or this could be her guilty conscience hoping that someone will eventually find out..
ReplyDelete