Usually I didn't feel nervous, but I did at this moment. Unlce John still had hold of my hand as he placed the key in the lock of the chemists shop door. As it opened I entered a whole new world.
Dark wooden floors, wall to wall glass cabinets filled with so many colourful bottles and boxes. I gazed around, slowly trying to breathe it all in.
Most of the shop was chemists but on the right hand side was a serving counter with dark wooden worktops, brass weighing scales and huge grey till. In the glass cabinets at the side were sweets, rows upon rows of of sweets from Mojo's and Black Jacks to penny arrowe bars and Lucky Bags. The jars behind the counter were filled to the brim with pineapple chunks,pears drops, dolly mixtures. On and on they went row after row. My stomache was filling up with dancing butterflies until my gaze stopped at the end of the counter. A huge metal drum sat proudly with a lid on. Uncle John could see my gaze change to curiosity as I stared at this thing. He began to grin as we walked towards it. As we got near he dropped my hand to switch it on. My hand fell limply by my side and l felt very uneasy and a little cold and disconnected. While he had hold of me l felt safe and good, but here l was standing alone in a closed chemist shop surrounded by all sorts of things, the floor beneath my feet began to sway gently.As the floor swayed I could hear the creaking of the floor boards and the smell of the river for a second I was transported back into the room near the river when my mother was at work. The strange clinical smell of the shop filled my nose then my head until I floated away into darkness.
ENDING No. 1
When I woke I found myself on a huge, warm, comfy sofa with lots of cushions. The room felt warm as the sun poured in. I lay still with my eyes open just gazing around until a cat appeared at the sofa and arched its back waiting to be stroked. I leant over and gently ran my fingers along its back and it arched even more as it began to purr.
In the back ground I could hear voices, a man and woman talking quitely. The cat jumped up onto my legs and I sat up to stroke it. As I sat up I could see over the top of the sofa. I was in a huge, sunny lounge with a wall full of windows allowing the sun to pour in. There were flowers in vases and it smelt fresh and homely.
Unlce John walked into the room saying " hello, welcome back. I think it's all been a bit too much for you young lady. Now stay there and I will bring you a cup of tea".
The cat curled up on my legs, I couldn't move now but it was a lovely feeling her tummy moving up and down as she purred happily.
Uncle John arrived accompanied by a tall ,elegant lady with dark brown eyes and dark hair piled high on the back of her head.I gazed at her as she carried the tea tray toward sme. She smiled broadly at me and her eyes gleamed. I was beginning to feel a lot better now.
Unlce John introduced her as Aunty Catherine, his wife.We all sat and she poured the tea. I tried to move my legs to sit up but the cat had different ideas, he was comfy.Uncle John lifted a limp, unhappy cat down onto the floor, which allowed me to sit up next to him and drink the hot sweet tea.
Uncle John said there was so much to tell me but he thoughtI had had enough excitement for one day. So we chatted happily about their life here in the chemists shop in Rock Ferry. About some of the colourful characters that came into the shop and a little about Rock Ferry itself and how they had arranged an appointment at Rock Ferry High School about a place for me there.It sounded grand. Eventauuly Aunt Catherine said that dinner would be ready soon and would I like to go into the chemist shop and chose ice cream for dessert.
Suddenly it all came flooding back, the swaying wooden floor the smell and that huge, ugly, noisey machine at the end of the counter.I felt the colour drain from my face as my hands became clammy and cold.
"hey whats the matter, come on its allright. You dont have to go if you dont want to, what is it, whats the matter love?".
I held my head down upon my chest as I mumbled that I was a little frightened by the big metal machine with the thundering sound.
Uncle John began to smile as he looked towards Aunt Catherine. She walked towards me brushing some hair back off my face saying that I was the first child not to like their machine and usually after school the children queued up in the shop waiting for Unlce John to switch it on and make the 'candy floss'.
My heart raced 'Candy Floss', wow mylife oculdnt be better and with that i grabbedhis hand saying " lets get the ice cream and can I see the candy floss machine please.
Hi Barbara?
ReplyDeleteis this the final installment of your first draft of your story? I really like it.
For our next workshop, what would help is if you bring the complete story in a hard copy (printed out, I mean) so we can look at it as a whole and see how we might set about doing a second draft and editing it.
I love the picture - shows how much the chemist has changed over the years!
hi i really liked this it was ver descriptive, and i felt as if i was actually their reading it , i passs this chemist quite afew times in a week and will be thinking of it differently from now on
ReplyDeletePS thanks for your advice on mine i may well do what you sudgest
Lou, thanks. Its good to get a reaction. This project willl live on long after we have walked away from it.
ReplyDeleteI think that's the beauty of having these conversations and practice drafts on the internet and keeping them on a blog - once we publicise the finished product you'll get loads of people interested in knowing 'where you got your ideas from' (this is a question I always get asked when I'm doing book signings and things...) and now they can look on the blog and use the comments to ask you questions and it will be here for as long as you want it to be. You might even inspire someone else on a new project years in the future!
ReplyDeleteBarbara does you cat have a name?
ReplyDeleteI am thinking of using a cat in my story that wandered into the road and then Duffy has his accident trying to avoid it. Would you mind me using the same cat in your story, in mine?
Not at all. Its called cfor. c for cat!
ReplyDelete